An attachment is the social and emotional relationship children and adults develop with the significant people in their lives. Next week, a lot of young children will be heading to school for the first time. Some of these children may have some anxiety about being in a new place without someone they have an attachment with. Beth Troutman, PhD, child psychologist with University of Iowa Health Care and the director of child affairs for the Iowa Consortium for Mental Health, talks about the child-parent attachment:
What is considered a healthy attachment between a child and parent?
A healthy attachment between a child and parent—we like to see a balance between exploration and attachment. We like to see a child who can go out and explore the new world, like starting at a new school, and a child who can then come back and seek comfort from their parent.
What difficulties can occur in the attachment relationship between children and their parents?
We can see difficulties in either part of the balance. Some kids have more difficulty with going out and exploring. Other kids have more difficulty with being able to come back to their parents for comfort.
What factors can contribute to difficulties in the attachment relationship between children and their parents?
Attachment research has looked at a wide range of different factors. Some of the factors have to do with the parents’ reactions to the child, so things that stress parents are obviously going to have an impact on how they parent and, indirectly, on the kids. Things like working long hours, being stressed, being depressed, all of those things can affect the attachment relationship. There is some research on characteristics of children, so some children are just more susceptible to their parents’ stress, for example.
If parents have concerns about their relationship with their child, what steps can they take to address those concerns?
There are more services available for parents than there used to be. There are more people trained in working with young children, for example. It’s never too early to talk to your pediatrician or mental health professional about concerns. I get calls from people with adolescent or older children about concerns about their attachment relationship.
If a parent is too protective of a child, what consequences could that have for the child?
If a parent is too protective, or has difficulty with the child getting out and exploring new situations, that can lead the child to being more anxious about exploring situations. As those kids get older, they tend to have higher rates of anxiety problems.
If a parent encourages to much independence, what consequences could that have for the child?
Well, that is the other extreme and there are consequences as well. If a child feels like he always has to be independent and solve problems on his own, then what we see is that he is less likely to go to adults for help. Given that kids don’t always have the best problem-solving ability, they can get into trouble with what we call disruptive disorders. They’re more likely to have difficulty following directions from adults and may also get into other more disruptive things like stealing or lying as they get older.
Is there any general advice for parents on how to handle the youngster who will be leaving the house and entering a new environment without mom or dad around?
I think the first thing is for parents to know that it is healthy to be anxious about being in a new situation where you don’t have an attachment figure. That’s perfectly expectable and it’s something that both kids and parents are anxious about. Parents can reassure kids, help them adjust to, and at the end of the day have the child be able to come back to them and talk about their experience. |
